Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
