If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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