that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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