I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
