Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize