Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
