you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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