In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
