I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
