who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
