I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Hippo gnu deer
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
