3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
