I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
