I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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