I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
