She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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