You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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