You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
