One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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