another moral hangover. fuck.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
