Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
