The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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