The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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