Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
