I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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