ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
