its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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