sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
