I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
