I'm going to jail i love you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
