That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize