someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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