My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
