I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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