my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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