Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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