On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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