i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize