i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
