so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
