it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
