DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You're a waste of cheezeits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
