I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
