How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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