I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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