im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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