Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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