I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We need to rekindle our bromance
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
