if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
