Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
