i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
