ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
