you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
pray to the hookup gods
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
