mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
