it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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