My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He better not be in your backpack
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
