i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
