I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
