At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
