dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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