The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
accomplished twins. life is a go
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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