i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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