She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
