this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
