I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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