8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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