I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
