Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
