Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
