you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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