He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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