I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mom said you looked used
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
