Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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