Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
