We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize