You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
