Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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