can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
