thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
