Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
