nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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