haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
