so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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