i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
