But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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