Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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