So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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