I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
