im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
