cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
