But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Text me some of your sweat
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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