Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
