I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
