well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I had to cum in my sink.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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