you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
