They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize