Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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