I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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