I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
