You're so nebulous sometimes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im six kinds of drunk right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
